


he’s so devoid of color (he don’t know what it means)

by DemigodNamedAthena



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author was sick when she wrote this, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, creative block, if there’s stupid mistakes blame it on the fever, ill edit this when I feel better but I wanted to post it now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 08:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17383247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemigodNamedAthena/pseuds/DemigodNamedAthena
Summary: It’s not uncommon for the Sides to lock themselves in their rooms. It’s almost expected, in fact.So on the first day, they don’t notice that Roman isn’t there.Second day, they don’t think much of it.By the third day, they get concerned.





	he’s so devoid of color (he don’t know what it means)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! I am really hecking sick, so I wrote 3500 words of Roman angst to distract myself. This post was inspired by [this piece of art](http://rilli-luci.tumblr.com/post/181829654535/nothing-is-more-worse-for-the-embodiment-of) by the amazing [rilli-luci](http://rilli-luci.tumblr.com/), as well as the song Colors by Halsey.

It wasn’t uncommon for the sides to lock themselves in their rooms for days at a time.

 

Logan, refusing to leave until he had a schedule worked out, until he had a plan, until it was correct. The other sides to unpredictable, too temperamental, never fitting in his schedules, coloring outside the lines, obliterating the boxes. 

 

Patton, getting lost in nostalgia and wandering memories for so long they wondered if he’d ever find his way back to the present. Staying in his room to work out the waves of his feelings, hoping they weren’t so strong that he drowned in them.

 

Virgil, overwhelmed by fear and so stuck in the  _ what if _ s he couldn’t focus on the  _ right now.  _ Before he was a part of the family, back when he spent his days working overtime to keep Thomas safe, alone and scared and rejected, he lived in his room, emerging as rarely as possible and avoiding contact with the others.

 

Roman, who relished in the creative energy his room provided, would spend hours, days, weeks, wandering his worlds and creating ideas. But as much as he enjoyed having his head in the clouds, the fall back to reality left his body and ego purpled with bruises.

 

Their rooms were sanctuaries, but they could be self imposed prisons.

 

•••

 

In the slow process of acknowledging their feelings and agreeing to a relationship, their routines changed. Logan set aside an extra cup of coffee in the morning for Virgil. Patton cooked the eggs a little longer for Roman. Virgil made an effort to join the three for breakfast, even with his exhaustion practically dripping off him. 

 

They also made an effort to not spend so much time in their rooms.

 

Logan tried to write his schedules in the Commons, (which worked better, somehow. Patton would bring him snacks and a cup of coffee in the afternoon, and Virgil was there to remind him of important dates and to leave room for existential crises, creative block, and Parks and Rec marathons.)

 

Virgil was learning to come to the others when he was feeling anxious or upset about something. (And even when he didn’t, the other Sides were learning his tells so they could help the anxious Side without him needing to ask.)

 

Even Patton was learning to speak up when he was feeling sad. (If they noticed that his smile seemed fake or his eyes seemed hollow, they would send Roman into his room to see if they could coax him out into the commons, where Logan and Virgil would be waiting with a warm mug of tea and open expressions.)

 

But old habits die hard.

 

Sometimes Virgil’s door was locked, Patton would turn them away, or Logan would snap. Sometimes the Sides just needed time to work things out on their own, and their boyfriends understood.

 

So when Virgil came down for breakfast one morning and Roman wasn’t at the table, he didn’t do anything more than raise an eyebrow at Patton before accepting the coffee from Logan gratefully. Patton smiled at him and ruffled his hair as he sat down.

 

“Pat,” Virgil grumbled, patting his hair back down. “Have you guys checked on Roman?”

 

Logan shook his head. “We thought it was likely that he had had a late night and was simply sleeping in. Patton was planning on checking in on him after breakfast.” 

 

Patton’s nodded in affirmation even as he fixed Roman’s spot with a wistful gaze. Virgil frowned and glanced up the stairs, wondering what was keeping Roman.

 

•••

 

The rest of the day passed smoothly, although Roman didn’t answer the door when Patton went upstairs after breakfast.

 

“It is likely that he is off exploring,” Logan had said, adjusting his glasses. “I wouldn’t be too alarmed, Patton.”

 

And Virgil had been able to believe him. After all, it really wasn’t that uncommon for Roman to spend hours, days even, exploring his realms and gathering ideas. It wasn’t uncommon at all for one of them to spend a day in their room.

 

Thomas had had an evening out with his friends, and Virgil had been busy trying to warn Thomas about all the potential social blunders and dangers of going out, which had resulted in Thomas summoning him and Logan to try and work things out.

 

Virgil collapsed into bed that night, exhausted from worrying and his (civilized, if difficult) debate with Logan. Patton had knocked on his door with an invitation to watch TV with him, and Logan had been sitting on the couch with a book in his hand and a smile for Virgil when they came down, assuring him that they were ok.

 

•••

 

When Roman still hadn’t left his room the next day, Patton got concerned. He stood outside Roman’s door with a plate of breakfast and knocked softly.

 

“Kiddo? You ok in there?”

 

Silence.

 

“Alright, well if you’re ready to come out later, I have some food right here at your door.” He called out, wondering if Roman could hear him.

 

More silence.

 

Patton sighed and put the plate of food down before turning and trudging back down the stairs. His other two boyfriends were sitting quietly at the kitchen table, Logan holding Virgil’s hands and tapping methodically on them.

 

It was going to be a long day.

 

•••

 

The Mindscape was quiet without their resident Prince, and Logan could see that it was wearing on Virgil. He attempted to keep the anxious Side distracted as the day went on, (and he wouldn’t admit that it was as much a distraction for him as for Virgil.)

 

It was weighing on Patton too, Logan could tell. The two right brained Sides had a special connection that was an integral part of what made their relationship work.

 

Dinner passed in silence, and even though it was family movie night, they all made excuses and retired to their rooms early.

 

•••

 

On the third day, they decided it was too long. Just as they were heading up the stairs to Creativity’s room, Thomas summoned them.

 

The first thing Logan noticed when he rose up in his spot next to the stairs was how tired Thomas look. His hair was dirty and unkempt, and his clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them.

 

Thomas sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Ok guys, what’s up? I’m not sleeping well and I feel...burned out.” He was also wearing a hoodie and standing slightly hunched, in a fashion similar to Virgil. Self conscious.

 

Logan then noticed that the spot next to the TV was empty.

 

“Thomas, I assume you also summoned Roman for this conversation?”

 

“Yes. Well, I tried to. He’s not responding.” He said with a frown.

 

Logan exchanges glances with Patton (who looked distressed,) and Virgil (who looked solemn.) They all appeared to have reached the same conclusion.

 

“Thomas, none of us have seen Roman for the past three days. We were on our way to his room to investigate when you summoned us.”

 

“Do you think he ducked out?” Thomas’s eyes were large with concern, and Logan caught the quick glance he threw at Virgil.

 

“No.” Logan said firmly, determined to not let this conversation spiral into something drastically emotional. “I do not know why he hasn’t left his room, but I am confident that he hasn’t ducked out. You would have no ego and no will to create, which would’ve impacted all of us.”

 

Thomas nodded and relaxed slightly. “Ok, if you say so, Logan. I believe you.”

 

“Excellent. If you do not require anything else, I think it would be best for us to go now.”

 

“Can I come with you?” Thomas asked quickly. “If something’s wrong with Princey, I’d like to know. I’d like to help.”

 

Logan glanced at the other two and nodded. “Of course, Thomas.”

 

And with that, all four sunk down in search of Roman.

 

•••

 

Roman’s room was quite large. The walls were painted white with a red accent wall, where he had a large bed pressed up against it. There were fairy lights strung up around the room, and an ornate door next to the bed that led into the Imagination.

 

It was loud room, one with high ceilings and an energy in the air that had possibility crackling across your skin like lightning.

 

But when the Sides and Thomas rose up in Roman’s room, it was silent.

 

The fairy lights hung dead from the ceiling, no joyful twinkling to draw your eyes to the sky. The walls were grey, all color gone and muted. There was no creative energy buzzing in the room, only a dampening sense of disappointment.

 

And there, curled in the corner of his bed, was Prince Roman.

 

A wave of emotions crashed over Logan, filling him with unease and panic.

 

He looked dead.

 

He wasn’t, of course. Logically, Logan knew this. This But every ounce of color had bled off of him, his red sash, his brown hair, his tan skin. He was gray from head to toe, blending in with his surroundings easily.

 

“Roman!” Came a choked voice from his left, and he saw Virgil looking paler than ever, a hand clasped tightly over his mouth. Thomas appeared to have stopped functioning, his mouth hanging slack and a blank look on his face. 

 

At the sound of his name, Roman had opened his eyes, revealing that even his irises were gray.

 

Logan vision blurred with tears and his throat tightened painfully. Seeing one of his beloved in such a state was...more than distressing. But he was logic. And he knew that Patton was likely taking this harder than any of them. So he straightened up and turned to Thomas and Patton.

 

“Patton, dear.” Watery brown eyes looked at him, and the emotion in them was so deep Logan suspected he could drown in them. “Dearest, I think it would be best if you helped Thomas out of here. Could you do that?” He spoke softly, hoping to sooth the moral Side.

 

It took him a moment, but eventually Patton nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Come on Thomas, I got you. Let’s go outside for a minute huh?”

 

Confident that Patton had that situation under control, Logan approached the bed where Roman lay in the same position he had been in when they arrive.

 

“Roman?” His voice was as soft and gentle as he could make it as he kneeled next to the bed. He looked worse up close, none of his usual spark in his unnaturally gray eyes. He gently brushed Roman’s hair back off his forehead.

 

The Prince’s lips twitched into a smile. “Hey Specs.”

 

Logan had missed his voice. 

 

“Hello love.” He stayed silent for a minute, simply running his fingers through Roman’s hair and gently detangling the knots he encountered. He heard Virgil approach from behind him and sit down next to Roman on the bed.

 

“Roman…what happened?” Virgil’s voice was quiet but still laced with concern and anxiety. 

 

It was silent as Roman didn’t respond, but then his eyes welled with tears as he started to shake with sobs.

 

“Nothing-no ideas are coming to me! I-it’s not e-even that what I’m creating isn’t good, I’ve run out of ideas. I try to w-write and nothing flows, I can’t even sk-sketch without ruining it! It’s like I’ve never created before, nothing is working!”

 

He punctuated his statement by weakly hitting his pillow as he continued to shake. Logan and Virgil were both shocked into silence. They had never heard Roman, loud, bold Roman, chastise himself like this.

 

“What if I never create again? What if this is it? I’m letting down Thomas, I’m letting down the fans, I’m letting down all of you…” He trailed off in sniffles before whispering, “I’m such a disappointment.” That was enough to jerk Logan out of his shock.

 

“Roman,  _ Roman. _ Love, you’re not letting anyone down. You’ve just hit a creative block is all.” Logan pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You are not, and will never be a disappointment.” Logan’s own heart was squeezing painfully, but he pushed it aside.

 

Later, he promised himself. They could talk about it later. There were more important things at hand.

 

•••

 

Roman was too weak to even stand up on his own, so Virgil helped Logan support him as they moved towards the bathroom. After gently sitting Roman down on the closed toilet, Logan put a hand on his knee and kissed his forehead.

 

“I’m going to go talk to Patton and Thomas. I’ll be back once you finish showering.”

 

As the door clicked shut after Logan, Roman dropped his gaze to the floor. Virgil sat in front of him and gently lifted his head with a finger under his chin. His gray eyes were unsettling, holding none of the warmth that Roman’s eyes usually did. None of the life.

 

Virgil smiled gently at him. “Are you ok with me undressing you so we can shower?”

 

Roman nodded and was still as Virgil undid the clasps at the back of his shirt, folding his shash and shirt on the sink. After he was in just his boxers, Virgil pulled off his own clothes and lifted him off the toilet.

 

“I got you Ro, don’t worry.

 

•••

 

Roman’s entire body was sore. Every limb felt like it was made of lead, and it was just  _ so hard  _ to move. 

 

He hadn’t even realized what was happening until it was too late, and even then he didn’t go to his boyfriends. Scared of how they’d react. Roman didn’t want his view of the perfect prince to be tarnished, so he’d locked himself in his room.

 

But when all three of them, plus Thomas, rose up in his room, there was no disgust. No anger or pity. Just love and concern.

 

And standing under the warm water, Virgil’s arms steady bands of warmth keeping him upright, he wished he had told them sooner. Wished he had gone to them when he started feeling his motivation drip off of him like sap, glue clogging his joints and movements as his creativity melted away.

 

Colors bleeding away, off his skin, off his walls, off his ideas. He wondered if he’d see color again. And then they arrived, tumbling into his room even though they didn’t need to, Logan with his deep blue filling the room with calm, Virgil’s electric purple lighting up his senses and permeating the air with the concern of a loved one. Patton’s light blue lighting up the room with love, filling the corners with light. And even Thomas, exuding warmth in a way that Roman’s room was severely lacking.

 

And Virgil was here, and Virgil was warm. And Logan had been nothing but comforting words and steady hands. Every pass of the washcloth over his skin washed off the motivation-sap and the joint-glue and the guilt of hiding himself.

 

He wanted to thank Virgil for this, for his quiet help and reassurance, but he was too tired to talk. It was ok though. The press of lips right behind his ear conveyed their meaning. It was an understood thing.

 

•••

 

When Virgil came down the stairs, his skin pink and hair wet, Patton sagged with relief, reaching out for his boyfriend. Virgil crawled into his lap and sighed, folding into him.

 

“He’s so weak, Pat.” Virgil croaked with tears pricking at his eyes. Patton put a hand on top of Virgil’s head and sighed. After barely a minute, Virgil sat back up. “I just came down so you guys would know we were done with the shower. I don’t want to leave him alone.” Patton nodded and stood up, wincing at the way his back popped.

 

Thomas stood up as well, wiping roughly at his face. Logan reached for Virgil’s hand, and they trudged up the stairs together.

 

•••

 

Re-entering Roman’s all gray room had the same effect that it did before, and everyone but Virgil shifted in unease. Roman was propped up against the headboard and his eyes were shut until he heard them enter.

 

Virgil wasted no time in crawling up the bed until he was resting against Roman’s side. Patton joined him, making sure to not lean too heavily on the Prince. Logan sat at the foot of the bed, reaching to place a hand on Roman’s leg. Thomas hovered awkwardly for a moment before mirroring Logan.

 

“How are you feeling sweetheart?” Patton asked, pulling one of Roman’s hands into his lap and clasping it between two of his.

 

“Tired,” Roman replied honestly. “But warm.” He smiled weakly at Patton and Patton squeezed his hand just a little bit tighter.

 

“Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten anything in days…” 

 

Roman shook his head and Patton pursed his lips but acquiesced. The Sides didn’t really  _ need  _ to eat, they couldn’t die after all. But still, it was a comfort and eating did have an impact on them, emotionally.

 

“I jus’ wanna nap,” Roman said with a deep sigh.

 

“Ok Ro. You can nap, and we’ll stay right here. We’re not going anywhere.” Logan said with a reassuring squeeze of Roman’s leg. Roman nodded and slid down the bed, Patton and Virgil moving with him. Logan stayed where he was, keeping a watchful eye on Princey’s breathing.

 

Thomas cleared his throat and shot a glance at Logan. 

 

“It looks like you guys got this under control. I’ll come check in in the morning?” Thomas’s expression was open and kind, and Logan was filled with love for him.

 

“That would be very good, Thomas.”

 

He nodded and stood slowly, trying not to rock the bed. He gave one last glance at Roman and smiled, before sinking out.

 

Logan slid up until he was next to Virgil and wrapped an arm around him. 

 

And for the first time in days, Roman felt safe, warm, and was surrounded by his family.

 

•••

 

It took weeks to Roman back up to snuff, and the other sides had all worked together to create a neutral bedroom so they could all sleep together. When Virgil woke up one day and Roman’s eyes had returned to their usual brown, he almost started crying. When Patton saw them, he did cry.

 

Roman had been unwilling to attempt to create anything, even though Logan hypothesized that his color returning meant that his creative block was clearing up.

 

It...wasn’t actually that bad, shaking up their routine. All three of them loved to dote on Roman, dishing out as much affection as he gave them.

 

Thomas took a short break from videos, calling Joan to ask their help in editing footage they already had so as to keep any strain off Roman.

 

•••

 

Virgil came downstairs three weeks after they had found Roman to the sound of Patton’s humming and cooking. Logan handed him his coffee with a small smile, and Virgil gave him a sleepy one in return. He was about to ask Patton if he knew why Roman wasn’t down yet, when he heard the footsteps of the Creative Side coming down the stairs.

 

Roman appeared in his usual attire, bright red sash and clean white shirt, his hair styled in a way the others hadn’t seen in weeks. He also had a notebook in his hand.

 

“Good morning my loves,” He greeted, a beautiful smile on his lips, more genuine than it has been in a long time. Patton squealed and jumped on him before Virgil could protest, but Roman caught him easily and held him up by his legs as he peppered his face with kisses.

 

Patton giggled and gripped him tighter, wrapping his legs around his waist and pressing his face into his shoulder.

 

Logan and Virgil watched the display with amusement before Roman gently set Patton down and approached them, greeting them with a kiss.

 

“It’s wonderful to see you up and about, Roman.” Logan said as Roman slid into his seat.

 

“It’s wonderful to be up.” Roman set down his notebook and propped his head up on his hand. “Thank you all for what you did. I must admit, it wasn’t the response I was expecting.”

 

“Roman, there isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for you. We love you, and part of loving someone is taking care of them when they need it. I’m just sorry we didn’t get you sooner.” Patton said, taking Roman’s hand in his and squeezing.

 

Roman nodded back, his eyes looking misty, and dropped his gaze. 

 

Patton kissed the top of his head before turning back to the stove. Roman took a deep breath and opened his notebook, starting to slowly sketch, his movements small and shy.

 

As the warmth from the mug seeped into his hands and the caffeine kick-started Virgil’s wake up process, he gazed around the kitchen at the people he loved, Patton humming to himself as he whisked eggs, Logan stirring his coffee as he read a book, and Roman lost in his headspace of creativity as he sketched, Virgil smiled.

 

It was going to be a wonderful day.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, they’ll give me something to do other than lay in bed and feel like death.  
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/demigodnamedathena),if you’d like.  
> \- Athena


End file.
